Letter to thy self

Dear me,
It is time at last to talk about some things. I know that the last time we talked was a long ago,  as I also know that it is me who should be blamed.
Life recently has changed a little bit, yet I don't seem to change in the parts where it is necessary. I mean, ok, many thoughts or ways of living have been altered and I have gained much experience that I lacked. But some things that I would like them to have gone away, still follow me with an unwanted loyalty.
For example, my loneliness in the crowd. I used to have no friends though now I've made a lot. Yet that doesn't seem to make me feel that I belong somewhere. It's still the same feeling; a slight pain in my heart when I see the others enjoying themselves... no... no... it's not that. Ok, I admit that in the past I was jealous but now I am aware that they are alone too. Most of them are miserable, trying in vain to belong somewhere and fool themselves. But it's not possible for anyone not to realise the truth one day; we are born alone, we love alone and we die alone. And that is because it is very difficult or even impossible to feel exactly what the other is feeling.
So, you see what I am trying to explain? I do not know. Even when everything seems to go along and that I am protected with many ways, something inside me keeps being afraid of the change. As if I'll lose everything and I'll have to make my heritage from the beginning. But what is that heritage that my soul is so afraid of losing? Only ghosts, shadows from the past and feelings of fear and pain. Decay of the soul, that is what this heritage is!
I do not know... I can't tell yet. I believe that I still need much more time and experience in order to be able to oppose all of my demons. I may be protected but at night, especially during the night, my defenses get weaker, my self, and that means you, gets weaker. And they penetrate my skin and reach my innocent heart that cannot stand this world. I may be in my puddle, I may sometimes feel jealousy or hatred, but my heart still beats like it used to when I had nothing to worry about. It still sings the same forgotten melodies of innocence. At least I've found a perfect way to hide my heart and play dead to the outside world. You see, it is essential that sacrifice 'cause only by doing that you may one day have a slight chance to fit in.
So my self, I write to you this letter in purpose of asking you your opinion on these everyday fights that I'm giving and to ask for your precious aid and guidance.
Looking forward for your reply,
with true love Shadowcain.